Everything Language and Grammar

If You Can’t Park It, Then…

Posted by languageandgrammar on March 1, 2008

Driving an SUV, which according to co-blogger Sherry Coven stands for Stupid Ugly Vehicle, is almost as popular as the loans needed to pay for the monthly gas bills of driving these monsters, but the problem is that most people can’t drive them safely. This is never more obvious than in a parking lot.

I must have said If you can’t park it, then don’t drive it off the lot more often than I’ve said partly sunny in my 23-year career as a meteorologist. If the problem isn’t the SUV that takes up three parking spaces, then the problem is that the driver needs to back up and pull forward 17 times in order to get out of the space because he or she can’t gauge distance in front of or behind the SUV. If the problem isn’t that the SUV is taking up the entire aisle when looking for a space, then the problem is that the driver is pulling into the wrong lane when making wide turns coming into the parking lot because the vehicle is too large to make a sharp turn.

It’s clear that about 75% of the people who drive these gas-guzzling behemoths couldn’t pass a most basic parking test, and these are probably the same people who buy SUV’s because they feel safer in a larger vehicle in case they’re involved in an accident. Maybe if they purchased cars that they could drive safely, then they wouldn’t have to worry so much about being in accidents.

It may be off-topic for a language and grammar blog, but it’s good advice for prospective car shoppers: If you can’t park it, then don’t drive it off the lot.

 –Paul

Paul’s book–Literally, the Best Language Book Ever

Sherry’s Grammar List

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One Response to “If You Can’t Park It, Then…”

  1. Paul Grady said

    Wow, right on. I cannot stand these autos. I drive a four cylinder Audi-A4 that can get up to around 40 mpg. I have two kids. Funny how the A4 gets us up the mountain and anywhere else the four of us (Wife, Kids, Myself) want to go. My favorite line is, “She is not a very good driver so I bought her the Expedition! That way if she gets in an accident she will be safe”. Although I hold this in, I always think to myself, “What about the poor guy she hits?”

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