By Paul Yeager, author of Literally, the Best Language Book Ever

I know that retailers always try to top each other during the Christmas shopping season, but Target has seemingly gotten carried away: Everything in the store is free, at least for me.

That’s because, according a recent advertisement sent to my home, I (or current resident) am a Target “guest.”

That makes Target at host, of course, and a host would never charge a guest for anything. When a host invites me to dinner, it’s free! When a host invites me on a weekend outing, it’s free!

When I host a party, I buy the cocktail wieners. When I host a birthday party, I would never charge for a piece of cake.

It’s free. It’s free. It’s free.

When I go into a store, I’m a customer, and the store is a retailer. That’s the relationship. It’s not a guest/host relationship.

But it’s good for me–because there have been a few things I’ve had my eye on.

Happy holidays to me.