…well, not if he can help it.

I’m not a big fan of the commercialism of Christmas, but I do enjoy the traditional Christmas smorgasbord of television and video offerings. While I understand that Santa spends an endless night of sleigh rides and chimney dives, I’ve noticed that he might not actually be enjoying his work, especially since–from what I’ve seen–he’s tried every excuse in the book to get out of delivering the goods.

Take the “Rudolph” year for example. The North Pole is known for its blustery, cold weather (I should know; I’m a meteorologist’s wife); however, a little bit of snow and a little bit of wind, and Santa couldn’t wait to rush into his workshop and declare that Christmas was off. If it hadn’t been for Rudolph showing off in front of all of those witnesses….

Despite all of his good press, Santa seems to have a bit of an insecurity problem, too, which he’s tried to use to get himself the day off. In The Year without a Santa Claus, all it took was a couple of kids not believing in him, and he was ready to throw in the towel and declare Christmas canceled (noticing a trend here?). Of course, in order to save face, he also tried to convince everyone that he was fighting a cold. Fighting a cold? When was the last time anyone else got to take a day off work because he or she was fighting a cold? You may as well call off tired!

What many people might not know is that Santa’s excuses actually go all the way back to pre-historic times. It’s a little-known fact that Fred Flintstone was the one who delivered presents all over the world on two–that’s right, two–Christmases. In Christmas Flintstone, after a grueling night of playing Santa to dozens, maybe hundreds, of kids at Macyrock’s, Fred is practically kidnapped by two of Santa’s elves and coerced into doing Santa’s deliveries. It seems, once again, that Santa has a cold. Now, if he hadn’t used this excuse before, I might feel sorry for him, but I’m not falling for that again.

In A Flintstone Christmas, Santa “falls” off Fred’s roof and declares that he can’t possibly finish his shift because of a sprained ankle. Isn’t it an odd coincidence that it was Fred’s roof? I mean, Santa already knew that Fred was a capable replacement for him, so I’m not so sure that the obstacle course roof story holds much water.

Well, at least he didn’t try to use the “I’m getting a cold” excuse again.

-Sherry