Expiration dates on food products are important, of course; otherwise, we’d have even more people going around saying “This doesn’t smell good–here, sniff” and “This doesn’t taste right–here, take a bite,” but it’s clear that we’ve taken this one step too far. I’m referring, of course, to the new development of stamping expiration dates on eggs–not on the carton that they come in but on each individual egg. I have some in my refrigerator right now.

I think I hate mornings more than the average person, but even I am not yet so lazy that I have to start reading my food instead of the box. Seriously, I look at the expiration date on the carton of eggs when I’m in the store, and then I recklessly go about making breakfast for the next week without double checking the expiration date. Call me a rebel. If I needed to, though, I wouldn’t mind doing the exhaustive research needed to look at the carton again. I don’t need to have someone in the egg processing plant making sure that the egg stamper has enough ink. That’s not a job I’d like to have. 

What’s more, I don’t like the precedent that’s being set. One of my co-workers buys Pop Tarts that have trivia questions stamped on them (I get about 50% of the answers correct, by the way), but what’s next? Are we going to start printing the fat and calories on individual potato chips? Are we going to have the words “tarter control” and “enamel strengthening” written on the white strip of the tri-colored toothpaste, itself?

Hey, if this book-writing thing doesn’t work out for me, maybe I could get a job writing expiration dates on Tic Tacs.

–Paul

Paul’s book–Literally, the Best Language Book Ever;

Sherry’s Grammar List