Convoluted and Over-Inflated Language

In Literally, the Best Language Book Ever, I have a chapter called “You Thought You Were Clever, But..” in which I talk about words, phrases, and expressions that might have once been clever or cute but have lost all charm through excessive use.

It’s sort of the same philosophy we use related to convoluted and over-inflated language.

Whenever we get the chance, we throw in “facilitate,” “utilize,” and “collaborate” into a conversation, thinking that is shows how smart we are, but we enjoy a good laugh at others when they deliberately make language more complicated than it needs to be.

Sometimes we forget that we, too, can sound ridiculous.

A recent SFGate article, written by Suzanne Rogers, exemplifies the ridiculous nature of over-inflated language. To see it, follow the link (SFGate) and scroll down to the “In other news” section…

Here’s the first paragraph, where she seems to be telling people to pass each other drinks to start the meeting:

“Thank you all for coming. Kudos to Hank for adjusting the fenestration and to George for incentivizing the vortals. Holistic beverage distribution was a collaborative effort between Sheila and Dell. Dirk, Don, and Roger facilitated the cross-pollinated production of the hard deliverables, i.e. real-time benchmarks, that you have before you. Deploy one to your neighbor, if necessary.

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24 Things You Might Be Saying Wrong…

By Paul Yeager, author of Literally, the Best Language Book Ever and Weather Whys: Facts, Myths, and Oddities

A Reader’s Digest article from last year, 24 Things You Might Be Saying Wrong, includes quite a few examples of what I call “Close but no cigar,” a word or phrase that we almost get correct.

I didn’t even know that Reader’s Digest had a Web site (I guess everyone does, huh?), so while you’re reading that, I’m going to look for some of their jokes. That’s the only part of the magazine I read when it was delivered to my parents house a three decades ago (or so).

Humor in Uniform, here I come!

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Statement Enclosed

By Paul Yeager, author of Literally, the Best Language Book Ever and Weather Whys: Facts, Myths, and Oddities.

Envelopes arrive at my house nearly every week with the phrase “Statement enclosed” stamped on the front, and the statement inside is always the same: You owe me money.

Do they really think that I’m not going to figure out that it’s just another bill?

Do they think that I’m going to rip into the envelope thinking that they’re making some other statement, such as Just pay us whatever you think is fair.

Maybe it’s not a new trend to call a bill a “statement” in order to make it seem more innocuous. Maybe it’s only used in cases when there might also be a zero balance or a positive balance, but it’s similar to saying “previously owned car” instead of “used car” and “career opportunities” instead of “help wanted.”

All I know is that I wish they’d make a different statement every once in a while.

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Super Ad Sunday–Greatest Advertising Scam in History

By Paul Yeager, author of Literally, the Best Language Book Ever

The commercials during the Super Bowl have seemingly become so important that perhaps we should call the day Super Ad Sunday, but I don’t understand the one-day obsession with the ads.

It’s the biggest scam of the advertising world:

  • Commercials are annoying–365 days per year: Every other day of the year, the commercials (many of which were first shown during last year’s Super Bowl) are avoided because they’re annoying interruptions, but we can’t wait to see them on the day of the big game. Why?
  • Commercial Premieres–are you kidding me? The value of a premiere of anything that’s going to be available time and time again has questionable value, but the concept of caring about a commercial premiere is inconceivable to me. You’re going to be sick of the commercial by the end of the month.
  • Dumb and Dumber and Dumberer–The very concept that commercials are important has led to the goal of making more and more outlandish commercials each year, meaning more juvenile, sexist, or dumb commercials (or all three in the case of beer ads.)
  • Repetition Backfires–Anything clever (or in most cases when dealing with commercials, tries to be clever and fails) quickly loses its charm after incessant repetition–you know, like how commercials are run.
  • Cost–Stats about how much Super Bowl ads cost are cited more often than player stats, with many of us marveling at the cost. In a capitalist society, the cost is passed on to people who buy the products being advertised, which are the people watching the game. In other words, we’re being handed a roughly $300 million bill to be paid in full with future purchases. Our excitement by this something is to marvel at.
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Strange Interview Questions

By Paul Yeager, author of Literally, the Best Language Book Ever

We typically think of job interview communication in terms of what the prospective employee might say, but the interview is a two-way communication.

It’s fairly easy to find posts about what employees should say during an interview (how to answer questions, etc.), but employees need to consider what they say as well, especially when you take a look at this link: 10 Most Bizarre (Yet Real) Job Interview Questions.

I mean, seriously, “Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 how weird you are.” If jobs weren’t so hard to find, then a company that says such things to employees would be a good one to avoid.

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Off Topic: How to Use Snow to Your Advantage

By  Paul Yeager, author of Weather Whys: Facts, Myths, and Oddities

This is completely off-topic, but since so many of us have had to deal with more snow than we may like, I’m here to help.

Use snow as an excuse to get out of something that you don’t want to do in the first place (such as work): Top 10 Snow-Related Excuses.

You’re welcome.

car stuck in snow

car stuck in snow

Of course, if it’s that bad, then you don’t need any excuses!

The above image is from RTE 2fm

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Come On, Newspaper!

We all make typos, but come on, New Orleans Times-Picayune!

(For more, see the Yahoo Sports blog)

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“Correlate” Retirement Age with Life Expectancy

By Paul Yeager, author of Literally, the Best Language Book Ever

Republican lawmakers who want to extend the number of years that you need to work before getting your social security benefits are afraid to say that they’re raising your retirement age.

Instead, they’re going to “correlate your retirement age with life expectancy.”

Knowing that you’ve been properly correlated will certainly make you feel a lot better when you’re trudging off to work at age 67, won’t it?

Doublespeak–a politician’s best friend.

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Words Worthy of Being Trashed

While I may have written a book on the topic (Literally, the Best Language Book Ever), it’s good to know that I’m not the only one who thinks that some words, phrases, and expressions deserve to be tossed into the nearest dumpster.

Lake Superior State University recently issued its list of banished words. The Web-word “Viral” topped this list (although its usage has now slipped into some mainstream conversations for some reason), with “epic” and “fail” as trash-worthy runners-up.

The university started their tradition in 1976–long before I was on the case. The redundant and wordy way of saying “now”, “at this point in time,” was the 1976 winner.

Read the entire article on yahoo news.

Oh, did I mention that I wrote a book on the topic? (Reminder–promotion doesn’t have to be subtle–ha!)

Literally the Best Language Book Ever

Literally, the Best Language Book Ever

–Paul

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Trite Trophy Winner 2010: At The End of The Day

Gene Collier, a sports columnist for the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, has awarded the “Trite Trophy” to a deserving sports cliche for the past 27 years. In the column, he mocks commonly used sports phrases and mixed cliches in what has become a literary tradition of sorts in the ‘burgh.

Based on the column (Trite Trophy: A cliche for all (sporting) seasons), he’s a man after my heart. This year’s deserving winner, “at the end of the day,” appears in my book (Literally, the Best Language Book Ever). He also mentions a few others that made my book.

In this year’s column, Collier lists more cliches than I can count–ok, not more than I can count–more than I bothered to count. It looks like at least 75.

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